Blurred lines
by untoldwords
Summary: Prologue: The X Files Movie – I want to believe (2008) the story unfolds after the point where Mulder visits Scully at the hospital (her workplace) asking her to join him in the quest to find the missing agents. It's assumed that after the denial of joining him on the search, she had never returned "Home" to him. Starts right after "Kristians" brain surgery was done.
1. Saints and Devils

**Disclaimer: The X Files and related characters, phrases, scripts are now owned by me. I solely would like to grant the credit to respective owners and the Fan Fiction written are purely for non-commercial purposes. Please do not use without permission. Please do let me know your comments and thoughts and I would appreciate seeing comments.**

 **Prologue: The X Files Movie – I want to believe (2008) the story unfolds after the point where Mulder visits Scully at the hospital (her workplace) asking her to join him in the quest to find the missing agents.**

 **It's assumed that after the denial of joining him on the search, she has never returned "Home" to him. The section "Saints and Devils" starts right after "Kristians" brain surgery was done.**

 **This is my first fan fiction and hope you guys will enjoy!**

 **Saints and Devils**

The waiting room is all dark except for the dim light from the reading light she had on the table. Ghostly shadows of the surrounding were adding a more desperate tone to the evening and there was hardly any noise from outside due to the late hour. This hideous silence allowed her to sink more in to her thoughts, which were now beyond her control. Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, hope, hate, defeat and loneliness all circled in her mind. "Why bring a child in to this world, to let him suffer?" she kept asking herself over and over again as she kept on glancing at Kristians reports.

She was relieved that the surgery was completed without complications. The boy was responding well to the treatment and she was by his side until he was declared as out of danger zone. However due to the complicatedness of the surgery still she was left with an uncertainty and a fear which filled her mind like dark fog, that is both sheer and impermeable at the same time.

The bitter and unsupportive response of her superiors made the situation worse. She felt like a total stranger suddenly among the usual familiar faces. For them Kristian is just another patient, a very sick patient in whom they see no hope of living. She was attached to him on more than one way, though he was getting weak and fragile day by day, she saw the light in his eyes, which she knew that has an incomparable place in her heart. This reminded her of the gentle yet infrangible bond shared between her and William. She feared that this case will drag her down to a deep and a dark end both mentally and physically as the boy kept her reminding of William. She feared that it might break her sprit and weaken herself breaking the walls she has within.

But that was all gone now. She has almost reached the peak of her intricate climb. She was only a few steps away from the moment of truth. "Kristian will make it through" she always believed. That feeling of reassurance was the only comfort she found for the last few days, the same which kept her going with the determination to save the boy's life.

She sighed deeply. She was tired, both physically and mentally. Indeed she needed a break to mend her broken self. She closed her eyes and tried think it out. She needed to break free from this dark phase. Most of all she needed to hide from all these cold hearted saints who surrounded her.

To her disbelief Kristian was not the solely reason which kept her bound to this unfavorable dark place. Deep inside her thoughts laid her own selfless selfishness, professionalism and the arrogance which she usually refused to accept. Her last few words with Mulder kept recurring in her mind making the situation worse.

(Disclaimer – I'm not the owner of the below lines – X Files Movie, 2008 – I want to believe)

" _I am a doctor, Mulder._

 _\- That's not my life any more._

 _\- I know that._

 _You're not understanding me._

 _I can't look into the darkness with you any more, Mulder._

 _I cannot stand what it does to you or to me._

 _I'm fine with it. Scully, I'm actually okay. I'm good._

 _Yeah. That's what scares me._

 _Where else would you want me to look of you want me to find these women alive?_

 _I'm asking you that you look at yourself._

 _Why?_

 _I don't think I'm the one who has changed._

 _We're not FBI any more, Mulder._

 _We are two people who come home at night._

 _To a home now._

 _I don't want that darkness in my home._

 _Scully, this is who I am._

 _It's who I've always been. This is who I was before I met you. It's what I do. It's everything I know._

 _Write it down. Put it in a book._

 _Are you asking me to give up?_

 _No._

 _I can't tell you to do that, Mulder._

 _But I can tell you that..._

 _... I won't be coming home._

 _Scully._

 _Mulder, I've got my own battles to fight._

 _Don't do this._

 _\- Please don't argue with me._

 _\- Don't do this now._

 _I don't know what else to do."_

She could imagine his thoughts by the empty look of his face, yet he was stubborn. Indeed both of them were.

A strong sense of helpless-loneliness crossed her mind suddenly. it was too late when she realized that the comfort she had imagined by imprisoning herself in this cold and septic place was mere an illusion. The guilt of denying him was making it unbearable. Yet she was strong enough to turn back.

She pulled up her mobile, dialing the familiar number. But then again, a part of her held her back. With in a flash of darkness she stood up, placing all the scattered reports of the boy in to a neat pile, on her desk. She grabbed her bag and the coat, reaching out for her car keys. She was going home!

 **Way Home**

The drive was longer than usual. She felt the heaviness of her heart with each passing mile. She was determined not to turn back as after all she knew that "their home" is the only place she could only offer the ultimate comfort that she wants at the moment.

She knew within that it was him that she would reach out to, no matter how broken and distant that they are now. There was never a doubt on her mind on that; she never needed a second thought.

It was him who fought with her for her life. Their memories were flashing on her just as the neon signs of the freeway signs as she was driving. After all the years, she still felt the uneasiness in expressing herself totally to himself; she never had the words or the courage to tell him how much she "Loved" him. Their silent affection was indeed complicated. It grew wildly and weakly at the same time.

Her life choices were not so prevalent at a glance. But they brought them together; which was then seemed as a complete dissemblance made them in to a perfect pair. The haunting images of their past was both consoling and hurting at the same time. She could hear his softly spoken words which were once a comfort to her. She felt his embrace and touch and the warmth of his lips. Unknowingly she had a faint smile; she felt her cheeks getting warm. Just then she pulled back those unruly strands of hair behind her years as she would always do when she was lost in his gaze.

Still crying, she didn't fight back her tears. She wanted to clear her mind before she reaches her destination. She never wanted him to find her weak and fragile.


	2. Blurred Lines

It was almost midnight when she saw the faint lights inside the house from afar. She parked the car to open the gate. "Thank God," she thought "he might be still awake". She didn't have the complete confidence to face him or to bother to wake him up at this hour if he has had fallen asleep. She knew that she has disappointed him and rejected him with her own selfish reasons. But it's too late to turn back, she made up her mind. "I will just go in," she told herself. She had a final glance at the mirror before getting down, she was tired and her eyes were swollen from hours of crying. She took a deep breath, she still felt herself trembling.

Mulder was engrossed in the basketball game that he has already watched many times. But the game never disappointed him. It was when the final ball was about to be taken, he thought he heard the front door opening.

Hey - his tone was pretty neutral and calm. He knew that she would come back at any moment. He knew her in and out, probably more than what she knows about herself. He knew her fears, insecurities her strengths and weaknesses. He could read her face, the instant glance she shared with a silent "Hi" explained him her fears. Something is not right – he knew that she needed her space to settle down.

She was quick to walk to the bedroom without further a conversation. She felt relieved to be isolated from the comfort zone within the dark room. Dropping her bag on the floor on the far side of the bed she sat on the cozy bed and slipped off her shoes. Despite all the worries of his long-term isolation, she loved the peace she found in this place. She reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on with a dim setting. Just as the warm light surrounded her it didn't take her long to see the difference in the room.

She was unbuttoning her shirt when she noticed something different, to her surprise the usual plain old bedding was not there and instead new crisp sheets were on the bed. Though it had signs of careless use, the soft white sheets were inviting and comforting. She looked around, to see more signs. To her surprise, she noticed the drawings on the bedroom wall which was never there before. She looked more carefully at the monotonous scribble, trying to figure out what exactly it meant. The scene on the other end of the drawing was surprisingly familiar, yet it was totally blurred and out of focus. She was lost in her own imagination when she felt the familiar creaking of the bedroom door.

She grasped. Her hands rushed to her chest, pulling the unbuttoned shirt to cover her chest. She felt him sitting down next to her, as she closed her eyes with a deep breath. There was a moment of uneasy silence before Mulder's voice hushed in a low tone.

 _How did it go? His voice was calm and almost whispering._

 _He is ok Mulder, but they are keeping him under close monitoring as we are not exactly sure of post-surgery complications. This was not a conventional surgery._

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. He could feel her fear and the tense as she spoke.

 _Everyone was convinced that Kristian should be left alone to die Mulder. I'm not sure whether Father Ybarra understands God's message as it is. Even the boy's parents we forced to believe in his cruel vision in the end._

 _I didn't want to give up Mulder._

She wiped her tears.

He could hear her voice breaking. His arms reached for her, hugging her tightly from her back. She was warm and he could feel her skin through her thin shirt. He pulled her close kissing her hair. He could feel the familiar scent of her with each breath he took.

She took a deep breath. His touch was comforting. But as every other day, it was making her week deep inside.

 _If I were you, I would have done the same. I'm proud of you._ He whispered and took her hand to place a gentle kiss.

Her face lit up with a silent smile. She pulled herself to look at him.

 _Oh -_ She paused.

 _I see someone has gone shopping after a while -_ She reached to him with a playful smile.

He pulled her more closer, chuckling as he did. His lips were brushing against her ears as he spoke.

 _I got bored and thought we need a change –_ His hands slowly warming up her tiny frame.

 _I see – that's nice. I see you have gotten so thoughtful in selecting that drawing you have brought._

 _Oh – not exactly Scully, this was the only one they had for some reason. I was too lazy to stop somewhere else. I know it is just a set of blurred lines and it makes your eyes hurt if you stare it for a long time. What does it mean to you?_

He pulled her apart, cupping her face in his arms.

 _Tell me.._

His gaze weakened her. She could feel herself trembling. His face was close to hers as the warmth of his breath was so familiar to her in a very comforting way. Their eyes were locked at each other for a moment until she forcefully closed her eyes.

 _I don't know – I was just looking at it Mulder, and it suddenly came to my mind –_ She looked at him. He was still looking at her with the same affectionate glance. Her arms reached him, she gently held his hands. He was already stroking her cheeks.

 _I feel that what's behind the image, the scene is very familiar to me. I done know maybe it's just my mind. But as its out of focus I can't really find out what it is. It's…It's the same how I feel about you and me. We know each other so completely… probably more than we do for ourselves… But we are out of focus on our own lives and it makes us desperately and painfully apart._

 _I know... I'm sorry –_ His eyes were the darkest shade of brown. They were speaking a thousand words in the absolute silence inside the softly lit room. She knew him, this look in his eyes. They were far more truthful than the truth they were looking out all these years. The weight of his breath was deeper than all the pain they shared altogether.

 _I…I…_

He was struggling for words. He looked at her helplessly, pulling her close until their foreheads were touching together. His fingers were tracing her lips as if he has missed them for ages. He felt her warm hands cradling the back of his neck as she had always done when they shared an intimate moment together.

He missed her and wanted to let her know of the same.

She quickly gulped a breath when she felt his warm breath on top of her lips. Their eyes met for one last second before they got lost within a circle of never-ending love.


	3. Within a Dream

_The park is crowded today_ \- she thought to herself. They came here every weekend and she loved to watch him play. He would run around and climb up and down on the playhouse. She would sit on the closest bench and keep a close eye on him. He is a born fighter, stubborn but a gentle child with a very high level of curiosity.

 _Just like his Dad! –_ She sighed. Her thoughts running wild now with the sadness and the loneliness she never thought that she will overcome. She felt a sudden chill around her as if a winter storm had blown unexpectedly. She closed her eyes tightly to clear up her mind and just when she was about to take a deep breath, she heard a loud scream in a familiar tone…

 _William…!_

She gasped and sat on the bed. It was cold and dark but thankfully the dim light was still on to help her figure out that she just had a nightmare. The familiar nightmare she has been seen for years now.

 _William –_ she softly muttered his name as she grasped and pulled the only sheet they shared to cover her naked self. It took her some time to drift back to reality and to feel the weight of his arm that was drawn across her waist. Slowly she pulled her pillow up, lying down against the headboard. She breathed deeply to calm her down.

William has a taken away a big piece of their life, her life and she knew that she will never know how to find it back. She sobbed silently, covering her face with her hands. She didn't want to wake him up. She wondered how he thought of their child. He rarely spoke or expressed his feelings on this matter, but she could always read the pain in his eyes.

She looked at him. He looked peaceful with a slight smile on his lips. She gently caressed his hair. She still remembered the first time meeting him. It was not a very impressive meeting; she thought he was all nonsense – yet he never gave up his struggle and then it became their struggle.

She ran her fingers across his chest. With her eyes closed, she knew she still felt the same warmth in his embrace. She recalled all the times he held her close to him – through laughter, tears and her fears. She leaned against him and kissed his forehead, silently admiring him for all those years of endless love and care.

She was hungry, and most of all she wanted a hot shower to clear her clouded mind, after the fearful dream. Slowly she rose up from the bed, tucking Mulder with the pulled up sheet. She stacked up their scattered clothes into a pile by the bed on her way to the bathroom.


	4. Sunshine After the Rain

Mulder tossed and turned on the bed while still, his eyes were tightly closed. He was disappointed why he couldn't feel her next to her and then the usual fear sprang that he will find her gone when he opened his eyes. He hated her habit of leaving him as she has done almost every time in the past whenever they have gotten intimate, she would just wake up and go without leaving a trace of her. He felt very miserable when she had that blank act when he fought to open up and keep up their romance alive.

 _No..no..no..you can't just go! –_ he almost uttered himself before sitting up on the bed – panting. The bed was empty except his own naked body, but to his relief, he found the pile of their clothes and her bag lying on the floor. He sighed and fell back to the bed. Just then he heard the shower sprinkling in the bathroom.

He thought to give her some time – he was hungry. The small digital clock read 3.47 am by his bedside table. He closed his eyes and waited patiently for her to return. His mind flew away to thousands of memories.

He kept on stroking a small fresh scratch on his shoulder which, she might have bitten or grasped him so tightly. Its pain was itself a pleasure and he didn't mind having more and more of them. His mind ran to a few years back, the most treasured period of their lives, they were young and carefree. No matter how he ended up his career, the life spent at bureau was the best time of his life. The same place they fought and fell in love. Almost every day there was at least one moment that they didn't totally agree with each other. They had so many differences which made them into an odd pair, but surprisingly the very core of their essence was deeply embraced with a trust, love, and respect that no one could easily see or feel. He wondered often whether it rooted deep down with the x files and the dark basement they shared, as they were unexpectedly broken and apart from once they started following their own path of life sometimes back.

He sighed; it felt so good to have her back. But then he recalled – she is taking too long in the shower.

 _Scully..u okay.._ he spoke to himself before jumping out of the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

He slowly opened the bathroom door, which was not locked anyway. It was warm steamy inside and the noise of water flowing on the shower was loud and clear.

He was relieved to find her, as she was silently standing under the shower as she was in a deep thought. She was still, facing away from him, staring at the blank shower wall as if she is recalling something. She has gotten thin, he thought. Other than the long red hair, nothing has changed much in her; her small frame was perfect for him. After all the years, the sight of her bare body still managed to incite him.

He slowly walked towards her and gently touched her bare shoulders. She was shocked with this unexpected Touch.

 _Jesus.. Mulder - you just gave me a heart attack –_ she was panting loudly as she turned to unable to breathe and shaking she was pushing back the wet strands of hair with the warm nonstop sprinkle of the shower. Her chest was pounding so fast that she was unable to speak. She has felt herself blushing when their eyes met. Still breathing deeply and shaking with the sudden shock, she avoided his gaze.

 _I'm sorry – I didn't mean to scare you –_ he gently cupped her face in his arms.

 _I was worried that something might have gone wrong. You were gone for a long time_

 _I..I Couldn't sleep –_ she managed to answer with a shaky voice. At once his face was blanketed with worry and disappointment. Now slowly placing his arms on the back of her neck he responded with a blank tone.

 _I know..I –_ he was looking out for words, shaking his head slowly. It didn't take a second for her to realize that he has mistaken.

 _No..no Mulder.._ she leaned against his bare body, both of them now all showered with the warm droplets of water. She sighed and cupped his face with both her hands.

 _I had a dream..in fact, I usually do_ \- her voice was now breaking and tears flowing down her cheeks.

 _For the millionth of time, I lost William again. I really don't know what to do –_ she was sobbing. He reached and hugged her, letting her cry it out. His hands were gently stroking her hair and her back. They remained still until her sobbing was nearly a silent cry.

 _Our son has left a space in our hearts that cannot be filled, Scully... But I want you to know that you have done what was best for him –_ His tone was firm but gentle. He pulled her and looked in her eyes.

 _At least we now know that he is safe and being loved by someone..._

 _He is our miracle... And we will never know what else we are blessed with –_ the look on his face was calm and affectionate. He kissed her forehead gently. It made her smile, she never thought of another miracle after the suffering she still experiences after giving away William. It surprised her to hear this from Mulder anyway. Still, under his kiss, she reached for him, tugging him close and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. She could feel his hands caressing her belly.

 _Thank you for having him Dana..you have given me the best gift a man can have...But I was not able to protect you and our child..There is never a day that I regret my choice -_ He was broken voice was shaking. He let her go and leaned onto the shower wall, with her between the wall and himself.

She nodded, refusing his confession and was desperately looking into his eyes – _I love you for all that you are..._

She managed to whisper gently.

He smiled gently and kissed her on the lips. He took his time to slowly and gently kiss her before leaning to her blushed face _– I love you too Dana.._ She managed a weak smile before they shared a deep kiss again. He pushed her to the shower wall as their kiss grew intimate and intense, trying to help her onto him.

 _Mulder…_ she was trembling and helpless in his tight grasp. He could read her eyes which were now clouded with love, lust and a hint of fear.

 _Hey.._ His voice is now almost a smoky whisper – _I am your same old Mulder..I mean not old really –_ He chuckled _before reaching to her back with another kiss._


End file.
